I’ve often observed engineers who are reluctant to ask for help. When they encounter a problem, they try hard to solve the problem themselves. Here I’d like to share some thoughts on why that’s the case, and how to break out of it.
Why we don’t ask for help
When we grew up, our education system taught us to solve problems independently. Majority of our tests require us to solve problems individually and without help (from books / notes / other people). We learned to strive in such an environment, and we pride ourselves for being able to solve problems independently.
Then we enter the workplace, and we carry over the same habit. We want to prove to our teammates, and maybe to ourselves too, “I’m a capable engineer”. So if I run into a problem, I’ll just spend a few more hours trying to solve it.
Another common reason for not asking for help is “my teammates are all busy, and I don’t want to bother them with my trivial issue”.
Why we should ask for help
What’s the worst if I don’t ask for help? “It’s only affecting me because I need to spend more time figuring out the problem”, right?
If it’s only affecting the individual, then it’s probably okay to spend more time on this. However that’s normally not the only issue.
The bigger issue is the team is getting slowed down. For the problem I’m investigating, chances are, others are waiting for it too, and being blocked for not knowing the solution. They might not have said it, but they’ve been quietly waiting for your solution, and if the situation doesn’t improve, that quiet waiting eventually turns into vocal questioning. Now the pressure becomes high, and I feel my competency being judged, and I further want to solve the problem by myself.
This is a bad spiral.
When we should ask for help
The criteria are: Are we blocking others? Are we slowing down the team? If not, will it become that way in the near future?
If the answer is yes, then be mindful to set a time limit for how long I’ll individually solve the problem. Beyond that, it’s time to ask for help.
The key balance here is how much individual effort is made before asking for help.
We don’t want to ask too early before we make an individual effort first.
We don’t want to ask too late either. Do it before it becomes an issue that blocks the team.
Sometimes we might even realize we are not the best person to tackle the problem, and there is someone else who we should ask to take over. Ultimately, remember the tradeoff between individual excellence and team excellence.